"Good things come in small packages, great things come in large boxes with plenty of duct tape, chains, locks, and plenty of rope. Good luck, you only have a pair of scissors."There comes a time when people say who cares. There comes a time when people say so what? There comes a time when people just want to get away. For the past few months, all I’ve wanted to do is get away. But, I can’t do that. There is something in me, that just isn’t allowing me to do that. And, I don’t know why. The fact that I don’t know why, kind of scares me. Because I’m the person that has the answer to everything. I’m the person that knows everything. I want to get away and I don’t know why.
I have this dream. And in this dream, I’m being haunted constantly by something that’s just there. I don’t know what it is, and I don’t want to know. But it’s like I’m having a fever when I have this dream. I’m uncomfortable and I feel like – like I’m about to die. Then, I wake up and I’m back in my bed and everything is ok. But the thing is, I know I’m not ok. I know I’m not happy. So, I throw myself into school. To distract myself. But when I get home, it’s just me. It's always just me. I’m always alone. I may be around friends a lot, but that doesn’t shake that nagging feeling that when I get home, I’ll know, that my Mom is in the Philippines, and my Dad is a piece of crap who is never home. Knowing that I won’t be able to see my sister for another year. Knowing that my brother is always to busy to talk to his youngest sister who is several thousand miles away. Knowing that everyone in my family doesn’t care. Knowing that everyone in my family always say SO WHAT? Knowing that they always want to get away from each other.
Knowing that, will always make someone feel like they’re alone and not wanted. It makes someone feel like nobody cares about them. The only time I get to talk to my Sister is during the odd hours of the night. Because she is always at school or she’s always studying. My brother is always working, just working, always busy. I'm happy my Mom is here for the Holidays, but for a matter of fact, she's always working. Always on her laptop just staring at the damn thing never really caring. I want my family to start caring again. I want them to start being a family again instead of this business! All my Mom does is run the family business. All my brother does is work or teach. I miss my family.
In the Philippines, every Saturday night, everyone on my Mom’s side would get together for dinner, for a family get together. We’d all spend time together. We would all, eat whatever was cooked by my sister or by the maids. We would all eat the dessert my sister made. Sometimes my cousin Eric would bring his Wii and all of the cousins would play. Sometimes I would bring an little art thing to do. So that the younger cousins wouldn’t stick there face to the TV and watch Hannah Montana constantly. I miss that. When you’re here nobody cares. Everybody is always trying to avoid their parents or that annoying cousin. Here, once you’re 18 you are out of the house and you’re off to college. In the Philippines, when you’re 18 you live at home until you get married. What I miss is, being with family. The intimacy in families.
I don’t like the families that don’t want to see their parents, that don’t want to see anybody else. What I don’t understand is the fact that some people are torn apart from their own flesh and blood. They stick with people that are pieces of crap. They don’t care about their Mom or Sister that they’ve been separated from for so long. Yet when they’re gone, they complain about how much they wished that they could’ve fixed things between them. They had their entire life, yet they didn’t do anything about it. I don’t like the way families are here in the United States. It’s nonsense.
What my family does is neglect their own families for business. Walt Disney once said,
“A man should never neglect his own family for business.”Yet, that is what my own family does. But on those Saturday nights, everybody puts business aside and we all get together for dinner and some fun. But the thing is, that is in the Philippines. On my Mom’s side. When I’m here, everybody on my Dad’s side is always back-stabbing one another. It doesn’t make sense to me. Family is family. Friends are friends. They are two completely different things. Family will always be there for you. Yet friends they come and go. Those friends you had in high school, may not be your friends right now. Those friends you had in college are probably half-way around the world.
Family should be together. Family should not be so distant that you forget about them. Audrey Hepburn once said,
“The best thing to hold on in life is each other.”Hold on to family. Hold on to trust.
