Why did it get weird?

OK. Things between Babe and I feel awkward. On my end at least. The only reason I'm still calling him "Babe" is because I don't know why. Possibly to hide his identity on the interweb, but I don't personally call him that anymore. I guess the only time I'm actually gonna call him Babe is if we're ever going to be a WE which mind you, is doubtful. Would I? I'm only here for two months, then what? Do I get my heart broken? Do I try and make a long distance relationship of 6000 miles work? We talked a lot about how long distance relationships are doomed for failure. Fuck. That's literally all that is on my mind. FUCK.

You know, I was at the mall today and I was at Gloria Jean's while waiting for the driver to pick up S and I. Well, to say the least, the driver took forever. While I was deciding on my order, in he walks. He's going to the gym. The gym is on the lower level and well, S says, "Amanda look away!" I turn and see him, thankfully he doesn't see me and I run out the door like the biggest damn coward in the whole damn world. How effing pathetic is that?! Seriously. I can't even talk to him properly without wondering WHAT IF? Ugh. I'm gonna go shower. Night.

I don't know if I'm mentally stable. I'd love to be with him though. Even if it would hurt me.