We're just dancing, we're just hugging, singing, screaming, kissing, tugging on the sleeve of how it used to be.

"Good things come in small packages, great things come in large boxes with plenty of duct tape, chains, locks, and plenty of rope. Good luck, you only have a pair of scissors."

There comes a time when people say who cares. There comes a time when people say so what? There comes a time when people just want to get away. For the past few months, all I’ve wanted to do is get away. But, I can’t do that. There is something in me, that just isn’t allowing me to do that. And, I don’t know why. The fact that I don’t know why, kind of scares me. Because I’m the person that has the answer to everything. I’m the person that knows everything. I want to get away and I don’t know why.

I have this dream. And in this dream, I’m being haunted constantly by something that’s just there. I don’t know what it is, and I don’t want to know. But it’s like I’m having a fever when I have this dream. I’m uncomfortable and I feel like – like I’m about to die. Then, I wake up and I’m back in my bed and everything is ok. But the thing is, I know I’m not ok. I know I’m not happy. So, I throw myself into school. To distract myself. But when I get home, it’s just me. It's always just me. I’m always alone. I may be around friends a lot, but that doesn’t shake that nagging feeling that when I get home, I’ll know, that my Mom is in the Philippines, and my Dad is a piece of crap who is never home. Knowing that I won’t be able to see my sister for another year. Knowing that my brother is always to busy to talk to his youngest sister who is several thousand miles away. Knowing that everyone in my family doesn’t care. Knowing that everyone in my family always say SO WHAT? Knowing that they always want to get away from each other.

Knowing that, will always make someone feel like they’re alone and not wanted. It makes someone feel like nobody cares about them. The only time I get to talk to my Sister is during the odd hours of the night. Because she is always at school or she’s always studying. My brother is always working, just working, always busy. I'm happy my Mom is here for the Holidays, but for a matter of fact, she's always working. Always on her laptop just staring at the damn thing never really caring. I want my family to start caring again. I want them to start being a family again instead of this business! All my Mom does is run the family business. All my brother does is work or teach. I miss my family.

In the Philippines, every Saturday night, everyone on my Mom’s side would get together for dinner, for a family get together. We’d all spend time together. We would all, eat whatever was cooked by my sister or by the maids. We would all eat the dessert my sister made. Sometimes my cousin Eric would bring his Wii and all of the cousins would play. Sometimes I would bring an little art thing to do. So that the younger cousins wouldn’t stick there face to the TV and watch Hannah Montana constantly. I miss that. When you’re here nobody cares. Everybody is always trying to avoid their parents or that annoying cousin. Here, once you’re 18 you are out of the house and you’re off to college. In the Philippines, when you’re 18 you live at home until you get married. What I miss is, being with family. The intimacy in families.

I don’t like the families that don’t want to see their parents, that don’t want to see anybody else. What I don’t understand is the fact that some people are torn apart from their own flesh and blood. They stick with people that are pieces of crap. They don’t care about their Mom or Sister that they’ve been separated from for so long. Yet when they’re gone, they complain about how much they wished that they could’ve fixed things between them. They had their entire life, yet they didn’t do anything about it. I don’t like the way families are here in the United States. It’s nonsense.

What my family does is neglect their own families for business. Walt Disney once said,

“A man should never neglect his own family for business.”

Yet, that is what my own family does. But on those Saturday nights, everybody puts business aside and we all get together for dinner and some fun. But the thing is, that is in the Philippines. On my Mom’s side. When I’m here, everybody on my Dad’s side is always back-stabbing one another. It doesn’t make sense to me. Family is family. Friends are friends. They are two completely different things. Family will always be there for you. Yet friends they come and go. Those friends you had in high school, may not be your friends right now. Those friends you had in college are probably half-way around the world.

Family should be together. Family should not be so distant that you forget about them. Audrey Hepburn once said,

“The best thing to hold on in life is each other.”

Hold on to family. Hold on to trust.

The People Have Spoken

BARACK OBAMA IS THE NEW PRESIDENT OF THE
UNITED STATES OF AMERICA!

UPDATE!

Right now, Obama is in the lead with 174 Electoral Votes and McCain lagging behind with 100 Electoral Votes.

Obama has:

• Illinois
• Pennsylvania
• District of Columbia
• Connecticut
• Maryland
• Delaware
• New Jersey
• Massachusetts
• New Hampshire
• Vermont
• Maine
• Minnesota
• Wisconsin

McCain has:

• Oklahoma
• South Carolina
• Kentucky
• Tennessee
• Virginia
• Wyoming
• Alabama
• North Dakota
• Kansas
• Arkansas
• Georgia
  

UPDATE!

Right now, Obama is in the lead with 102 Electoral Votes and McCain lagging behind with 54 Electoral Votes.

Obama has:

• Illinois
• Pennsylvania
• District of Columbia
• Connecticut
• Maryland
• Delaware
• New Jersey
• Massachusetts
• New Hampshire
• Vermont

Obama is also the projected winner of Maine.

McCain has:

• Oklahoma
• South Carolina
• Kentucky
• Tennessee

I will be updating constantly!

No comment.

So, I was on the bus earlier today. Well, I was on my way home to be precise and there was this girl on the bus that wasn't exactly the brightest girl of the bunch. So, as today is after all election day, this girl says, "Politics aren't important, I have more important things to care about. Like what I'm gonna wear tomorrow." Which mind you, made me laugh out loud. As you all know what a big political junkie I am, I couldn't help but laugh at how stupid she sounded. How VERY VERY stupid she sounded was why I laughed.

So, while we were on the bus, there were some people I knew, and this friend of mine and I were making fun of her. Not necessarily in a mean way, but more so, in a repeating what she was saying and not directing it at her. It was very funny because once she got off the bus, she flipped us off and said "Stick it in your asshole." So, it made me laugh, even more.

But right now, at this very moment, McCain recently got Kentucky and West Virgina, while Obama has Vermont.

Tonight I will be updating my blog constantly to make sure that all of you are updated with the Presidential Election 2008.

Election Day, November 4, 2008

Well people, today is the day. Today is Election Day, and I hope to God that people vote NO on Prop 8. Prop 8 says you want to eliminate Gay Marriage and that's fucking stupid, not to mention the fact that it is unfair and wrong. This will eliminate all equality throughout the California and that's wrong. Look, the ads put up on TV about Yes on Prop 8 are wrong, they won't be teaching it in school at all, nothing will change except for the fact that Gay Marriage will be allowed. People, VOTE NO ON PROP 8. Secondly, today we vote for a new president that will be inaugurated on January 20, 2009. Right now Obama is leading with a nine point lead in the polls with McCain lagging at around 41% and Obama at 50%. The time is now people, we need to go out and vote. Vote for the right choice. VOTE FOR OBAMA. Now, let me tell you why you should do so, Obama wants to pull out of Iraq, now in Iraq we have that infamous war, and we're wasting money on it. Also, because of the Iraq war, our economy is going down. WAY DOWN, and it's because we spend billions of dollars per month on the Iraq war, which is a waste of money! So please, VOTE OBAMA. He's the right choice.

Roman Cavalry Choirs Are Singing.

Sorry if I haven't posted in a while. I've been really busy with sophomore year. It's driving me insane. Not to mention the fact that the election is drawing closer and closer as each day goes by. So, lately school has been really hectic, and so is the Forensics Team, also known as speech and debate. It's CRAZY! Well, at my last tournament, my speech partner and I won 5th place!It was awesome. That guy to the right, is my totally awesome speech partner Jason Pun and well, the girl is well duh, me! Haha. Well, lately boys are way off my head. Sort of.

Well, at my high school there's sort of this unspoken rule where sophomores and up should make fun of freshman, except for the occasional freshman, who everybody will accept as OK.

I'm not going to deny it, some freshman are pretty cool, but the thing is, there's this ONE PARTICULAR FRESHMAN, that has kind of caught my eye. And well, he's a year younger than me, and well, I haven't been able to get him out of my head. It's weird.

Usually I don't have dreams about guys, like where we're in a relationship, but this time, I did! Lately I've been having LOTS of dreams about him. It's strange and unusual and it's kind of strange! God, I have no idea what to do! SOMEONE HELP ME!

I'm a freak. I'm a superfreak.

I have no idea what to say really. I'm just typing nonsensical nonsense. Which for a matter of fact makes no sense whatsoever. Therefore I am just bored. Very very bored. I'm done now. :]

How long has it been?

I've been back for about a month. I've been really busy with school as well. To be honest, I don't even know what to do anymore. I wish it was summer again. The heat beating down on my shoulders. The sound of Panic At The Disco wafting through my ears. I wish it was summer.

When I Say Shotgun, You Say Wedding.

So, on August 14, 2008, I watched Panic at the Disco live in Manila. It feels so surreal. Spencer threw his drumstick to the audience and lucky me, I caught it. Then, some bitch took it from me. That bitch. Karma will soon bite here in the ass. I hope. Haha, I have a lot more photos but those will be going onto my MySpace and my Multiply! Yah! I pretty much lost my voice. It hurts to talk, but I still sing their songs in my head. I just love love love Panic at the Disco. There was this point when everything was quiet and someone yelled, Spencer, then I yelled, I love you Spencer! I looked at him and he was all smiles. He must've felt very very flattered. I loved watching them. Crowned King opened for them, they were fabulous. Not as a good as Panic at the Disco, but fabulous never the less. I can't wait to see them again in October. It will be great! I loved watching them. I have a few more videos, but right now, I think one is enough. Enjoy.

I really love Spencer. I love love love love him.

Love in the Afternoon

So, today I went to the Panic At The Disco, meet and greet or autograph signing. Spencer called me pretty. Hiee! It was so much fun, and I love it. I was in Podium almost all day. I got in line at around, four or five pm, the signing was at six. It was so much fun. When I saw Brendon, I was speechless. He is so gorgeous. He was smiling so much. Then, it was Ryan, he wasn't smiling that much, but I noticed that he was sort of enjoying himself with that fleeting smile of his. After is was Jon, he was smiling and was just enjoying himself. Lastly Spencer, I was yelling things like, I love you Spencer! The whole time. I really do. Haha, he was smiling and having fun, and he made conversation. I liked that. But the lady by the stairs was such a fridgy bitch. She was yelling, and she even told my friend Analiza, that if she didn't put the camera away, she would take it. That woman really needed to get laid. Haha. I love Panic at the Disco. Can't wait to see them live tomorrow. Yay! 

In 6 days

There are many ways to say hello. There are also many ways to say good bye. In six days I say goodbye. Yet three months ago, I said hello. I don't want to leave, but I also can't wait to leave. It's complicated, but it's true. There's only one way to do this, and it's to sing, "Hello, Goodbye" by The Beatles. In my opinion is the song that really describes my emotions. Enjoy.

If you want the song, go on YouTube.

You say yes, I say no
You say stop and I say go, go, go
Oh, no
You say goodbye and I say hello
Hello, hello
I don't know why you say goodbye
I say hello
Hello, hello
I don't know why you say goodbye
I say hello

I say high, you say low
You say why, and I say I don't know
Oh, no
You say goodbye and I say hello
Hello, hello
I don't know why you say goodbye
I say hello
Hello, hello
I don't know why you say goodbye
I say hello

Why, why, why, why, why, why
Do you say good bye
Goodbye, bye, bye, bye, bye

Oh, no
You say goodbye and I say hello
Hello, hello
I don't know why you say goodbye
I say hello
Hello, hello
I don't know why you say goodbye
I say hello
hello, hello
I don't know why you say goodbye I say hello
Hello

Hela, heba helloa
Hela, heba helloa

There's nothing lamer then a fake ami.

You know what I've been thinking? I've been thinking of the numerous times that I feel invisible. I constantly feel invisible. And I don't know why. A simple request cannot be done. A simple question cannot be answered. And a simple task cannot be done. We all get that feeling. We all feel like we're invisible and that no one notices us. The thing is, it's always like that. Everywhere, we all feel like we should be noticed, like we have to be the center. It's at that moment when we feel like we're not invisible, when we feel like we belong is the only time we feel good about ourselves. That feeling keeps us grounded. It keeps us sane.

In case you haven't noticed, those without friends, those who are alone, feel the worst. Feel invisible. They're sad. They feel like an outcast and they feel like they don't belong. Some still feel like that even when they're with "friends". They still feel like they don't belong. They still feel like an outcast. It's not something to enjoy. It's the worst.

You may be wondering, how do I know how this feels? It's simple, I was one of those girls who was without friends, who was an outcast. I had a "friends". Well, these "friends" constantly stabbed me in the back and I always felt like an outcast.

I had a good set of friends at the beginning of the school year. Then one of the girls started hating me because of my I was a perfectionist. And well, then it got weird. And awkward, after that it felt like they were keeping stuff from me. And I've had that feeling before.

I have this 6th sense. I gained it when I was in 4th Grade. This 6th sense of mine, well, I can tell when things are going on, like when I'm not wanted or when they have a secret they refuse to tell me even if it concerns all of us. I know these things, and it's just obvious.

You know what, I'll just get straight to the point, include everyone, be nice, never judge based on looks alone or on their "social standing". Give respect if you want respect. Seriously, don't let that inner bitch out. A lot of people don't deserve it.

Drunken Dreams and Karaoke Nights..

It's been a while since I posted. Almost a month, there are a few reasons why. But nothing that's important. The truth is, it's almost my birthday. My 15th birthday, ey? Who would've thought that things would be this crazy? Honestly, let's reflect on what happened last year.

Last year at this time, I created the GossipGirl blog. I was a high school freshman at STC. And I made one, just one. I feel like I should be clearing the air on this because some folks still believe that I created multiply blogs although I did not. I made one. The first one. I deleted it already but then, RumorQueen resurfaced and I remade the blog, but it's useless. So don't even bother bashing on it.

Last year at this time, I was angry. Angry at everything. Angry at my Mom for not spending time with me. Angry at my sister for constantly barading me about my weight. I was angry at my supposed friends who would stab me behind my back and make fun of me because of my weight.

Last year at this time, I just wanted to get away.

Must be dreaming...

I applaud you Rumor Queen. I really do. You see, here I am, minding my own business and of course picking on you for talking smack about my friends and posting it on your blog. You see, I do things differently around here. I know exactly what you've been doing. I know what's going on in your head. I suggest that you start packing up, because it is definitely time for you to leave. If I say you have no right to what you're doing, that would censorship. It would go against your right to freedom of speech, but when you're talking smack about my friends and myself, then it's time for me to kick your ass. Ask around what I'm capable of, you'll have no problem whatsoever in receiving answers.

Watch your back slut.

Come out, come out wherever you are.

Ooer...

Looks like a little ghost from the past is resurfacing. Better watch our backs. Hahaha. This summer, should be entertaining. Can't wait to get to Manila. We should all have fun this year, I know it. I can smell it.

Well, well, well, looks like our little friend Gossip Girl is back for another dose of entertainment. This time, around, it should be fun.

See you all on Monday.

It's officially, official.

I are leaving tomorrow. My flight is at 10:30PM. Bitches, I'm coming back. It's been a long awaited return, of moi, so just soak it in and let the partying, begin. Now, now, now, you all remember that little scandal, that happened just before I left? Well, someone's trying to recreate it but, whatever.

Schedule:

• Departure of SFO: June 12
• Arrival in NAIA: June 14
• The day I go back to visit the little ones at STC: June 16

"Remember, remember, the 16th of
June, the gunpowder treason and
plot. I know of no reason why the
gunpowder treason should ever be
forgot."

I would like to thank...

I love it when people try to be me! Hahaha. Well, not me per say, but try to imitate what I did at STC. Holy fucking hell, how stupid can this girl be? Seriously, sweetie, don't bother. Your blog was no where near as scandalous as mine was. You're pathetic.

"How pathetic are you? Sweetie, there's no point in copying what I did. I made the VERY FIRST BLOG. I'm not denying it either. There were others yes, but I made none of those. Only the first. So look here kiddo, there's no point. Nothing new on your supposedly "scandalous" blog. Just a pathetic wannabe."

See. That is the comment I gave to you on your supposedly oh so scandalous blog. It's no use. STC has been there and done that. What you're doing is a pathetic call for attention. So sweetie, don't even bother. You're obviously new to this game. But you see, you've already lost. I'm just waiting to see what pathetic come back you have.

lay with me tonight.

Well, DA finally broke up with his girlfriend. A little too late I might add. I moved on during that month because if I didn't move on for myself no one would move on for me.

At present I like no one.

Star testing is coming up. That means non-stop studying and a lot of bullshit. Ain't that a clicker??

At present, not much is going on. But I promise to keep you posted.

gravity wants to bring me down.

I am fed up. I am fed up with men. PERIOD.

Well, DA this guy I dated well, he has girlfriend now.

I don't know why I broke up with him. I guess I was just scared you know? Then I fought with him for a LONG time. It was really hard for me because I've had feelings for him this ENTIRE TIME. And yeah, we broke up in August. It just really hurts to see him with someone else now.

I've tried to move one but, it's just not working. I still have feelings for him. And now, he has a girlfriend. And it hurts cause I know that there's nothing I can do about it! :'(

I just wanna move on. But that's never gonna happen. It's not gonna happen. I just want him back. :'(

tanks and rainbows.

R. The sweet guy, whom I talk to everyday. The sweet and awesome name. He's a cool guy he is. Haha. He has a habit of drawing tanks. I have a habit of drawing rainbows. We listen to music and hang out a lot. He's totally awesome.

Well, moving on. Haha, I just felt I had to say that. :]

I'm going to Manila on March 20 and I'm positively HAPPY. I GET TO SEE MY OLD FRIENDS! YAY ME! Haha.

So that makes me happy. Really happy. Just like the song Yellow Submarine. Haha. Seriously, that song can make anyone happy no matter who they are! Haha.

Well, I just wanted to put up a random post. :]

Me so so bored. :]

i'm thinking awful thoughts but i'm pretty sure few would notice.

I think it's my time. I think it's time for me to die. Yeah. That's about it. I want to die. I mean honestly, what's the point? My dad is a pompous jackass who doesn't deserve to be my father. I don't even love the guy. Tsss. The only people I don't want to leave is my family & friends. But, I think that they'd be better off without me. Yeah. That's true. It's not like they understand what goes on in my mind. It's not like they're ever gonna know. I love them yeah, but I don't think they need me. They're obviously not proud of me. All they do is say how fat I am and how much I need to lose weight. They bitch on me about my grades constantly so what's the point? I used to be happy. But that girl just isn't there anymore. I'm not happy with who I am. I'm always being put down. And death will solve all of this. It really will.

love is gonna save us

Well, I feel like an idiot. I called someone stupid without calling them stupid per say. It was the guy I like. DM. Well, my friend IK said that I liked him. I wasn't even at school that day. Well, she said so and he said that he didn't want a relationship and well, neither did I.

So, I messaged him on MySpace saying,

"i don't like you in that way. i only like you as a friend. i mean you're cute and all but you're not exactly someone i can talk to about english literature or salvador dali. do you get what i mean???"

He replied saying:

"i get it"

I've blown it. I know I have. I didn't even see him at school today. My friends did, but I didn't. And, I really wanted to apologize to him to. :[ I feel so bad about what I said.

So, DM, if you're reading this, I really am sorry.

why does every moment have to be so hard?

I'm not one who usually complains about their friends but sometimes, it just really crosses the line. I mean yeah, we can be silly a little gross. Actually, a lot gross but that's who we are. BUT IT CROSSES THE LINE A LOT. It's just, manners please, we're in public! Stop announcing the fact that you have to fart or just burping really loud, OUT OF NO WHERE. It's nasty. VERY NASTY. I don't see why I can't tell my friends this. GRRR.

I'm sick today. So, I texted my friend daring her to tell this guy that I liked him. It was a joke and I told her that yet she still went ahead and did it. GOD. I told her not to. What kind of friend does that? What kind of friend goes behind your back and tells your secret?! I feel like I have to do some sort of damage control! UGH! I'm just, REALLY REALLY pissed. And tired. I don't know what to do anymore. . .Help please.

drugs, booze and the evening news.

Hi. My name's Amanda Balagot. And this is my life. I've recently just moved to California. I migrated here from the Philippines. Im currently living with my dad Jess Balagot.

There are a lot of reasons why I moved here, and now, I think i'm ready to tell the world why I wanted to move back here.

• I honestly DESPISED the Philippines for everything it stood for. I hated the way it looked and how conservative it was. It was to much for me to handle.
• I didn't like how stereotypical some people are. Like if you speak english well, they'll mark you as an "inglesera" or they'll act like your best friend.
• I hated how hot it was. I praised my Mom every time she's take us to Baguio. Felt like being in South San Francisco.
• I hated the way how some people talked. Like when they would speak english, it would be impossible to understand them. =
• I had to leave, cause i created ONE blog. That showed a bit of gossip within my life, then, i got an e-mail from a _____ sender giving a list of girls who were together who had broken up and who liked who. I was stupid enough to copy paste it from the e-mail and put it up. It was stupid and i'm sorry for what i did.
• It felt like everybody despised me. So i thought, "if i'm living in a place where nobody likes me, why am i here?" I longed for a place where people were like me. Where nobody would judge me for who i am. I wanted to go back.
• I had friends. Some real, some fake. I had few real friends. But i had many "FAKE" friends.
• In other simple words, I was tired with my life in the Philippines and I wanted a new one. I wanted to start over...

Now you know. Now please, do me a favor, and don't judge me for this. These are my thoughts, my emotions, and my opinions. So whatever you do, just read and understand. DON'T JUDGE. I'm sure whoever is reading this barely knows me.